“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the
staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem
that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are
half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition
when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go
on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by
the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Rest in Jesus, who desires to gather us up as a hen gathers her chicks under her wing.May His wing bring you shelter and protection, may His warmth and comfort overwhelm you, may you be so close to Him that the beating of His heart brings you peace as it drowns out the troubles of the world.
Wow, so yeah…..so I said I was going to use this so I guess I will. Then there is the question of the future. Do I really want this stuff around for people to read later? Well I guess that would assume that people read it in the first place lol! And the verdict is this, yes I will write. I need it in a sense.
So here goes
When I finally came to that place where I realized I was holding back, that I was not fully giving my heart to the one I cared about. The one I loved being around. The one that calmed my fears without even trying. The one that promised she would never go away, to be by my side to walk through it all knowing it would be tough but she felt called there.
I realized it. I admitted it. I expressed it. I committed to change and began to walk in the freedom that brought. I could breathe easy and it was good …. then the call …. she says, “lets work on the friendship, that will help, I’m not going anywhere, it’s God calling me to a season of just me and Him.” I say, I cannot argue with that but I am not going anywhere. I sit confused but committed to the place the Lord has brought me. So excited that for the first time I can remember I am not reacting out of anger or some other emotion, but walking in the Lord, in His peace, and it was good.
Then there was this:
There there was the revelation:
When I keep my eyes on Him I can walk on water!
Oh to walk in the trust….so nice. I chatted with my mentor, hes RAD, everyone should have one. I expressed my heart to her and explained the calling I had to continue to not give up. It was returned with the expression of friendship and a repeat of the call for her to be just focused on God for this season. So I trust and chill….and it was good.
Oh what two days can change I guess…well yeah, that was like last time….I get a message, didn’t even know you were broke up. HUH? Well, she is listed on Facebook as in a relationship with someone not you. huh, really?? click..click..click…(the me clicking on websites and logging in) and BAM there it is. Well guess that season ended quick and led to a relationship with a friend of mine I introduced her too. Hence the punch to gut feeling. But the crazy thing…I knew it was coming. I knew it when he started hanging out with the two of us. How did I know that? I know betrayal was not the goal or intention, but the flesh feels that, it sees red and tries to take over but it will not win, the Lord is in this and He is working. How was there peace before it even happened? There are prayers going out. I am praying for peace and for prosperity. For direction. For changed hearts. For life….and it was good.
To live through a lesson you thought was behind can be a humbeling place. To see things play out errily similar to things past can knock a person back. But I was not. It was nothing I did, it was the Lord showing me HE has grown me and taken me past things and is revealing in me more things that need to be worked on to make me more like Him….and it was good.
So, yeah, seems like I’ve been here before. This time it will be different as last time was from now, the lesson seems the same but I realize that this time the lesson will reach to a different place in my heart. I know my heart is full of imperfections that need to be corrected, the strike that hits might hurt but beauty and perfection is left in its place. Thank You for my brothers that sharpen me as iron sharpens iron.
It’s been way too long since I’ve done anything with this and yet so much is flying around inside my head that needs to get out.
This will be short, but next wont be so far.
eyes closed and walking. scary? yup. necessary? dang skippy.
i know that lessons are learned and life happens for reasons, but time and time again it seems that the lessons are on repeat. “I thought i was done with that” guess not, so bring on round two!
OR
take some time to live in what i have been taught instead of this lame crap called emotions. trust before i step. does that even make sense? in my head it does, so whatever, just deal.
it boils down to this, im closing my eyes to focus on what i need to and not search out my own path.
Ok, so i’m out in TN, right outside Nashville. first thing. I guess out here they really envy us on the western side, they call whatever city they are in what ever the first 3-4 letters then -Vegas hence where i got Nash-Vegas. Really odd if you ask me.
The people are out here are of course basically nicer, I have experienced that in several different ways, from the way neighbors interact, the service at restaurants, even people waving as they are driving. i almost just wrote its not better, just different, but today i experienced something that made me erase that line because in ways it is better.
On sat a GREAT friend of mine, Joshua, who i had not seen in far too long drove over from NC to hang out with us for a few days, we all go way back. Well on Sunday we were on the porch chatting before he took off for the 5(6) hour drive home, time zones can be a killer. Well, we were talking when we heard a noise across the street, look over and the guy who had been playing with his two 3 year old twins was having a seizure in his garage. We run over and call 911 and of course they show up with sirens blaring and they whole nine. Of course, just like in cali, the neighbors come out as they all decide it’s the perfect time to walk the dog or check the mail. Typical, i thought in the back of my mind as this dude is having a serious problem and people just want ot rubber neck. then something strange happened, a few didn’t just stand on the edge of the grass or in the street, they came up the drive way and into the group of medics and starting chatting with the guy. they had his wife’s number, guess they are having issues and she is staying at her moms, knew about his kids and had genuine concern for their neighbor. I kind of know my neighbors, but its almost weird to interact, and I had to force the initial contact, everyone just sticks to themselves and the things they know, and i know so many people don’t. It is truly a forced thing in Cali.
Well with the fire dept there and the medics there, Angie and one of the fire guys were calming the girls down, the wife drives up. How scary is that, to drive up to your house and see an ambulance and fire truck, needless to say, she was stunned. She had the girls and the dad went to the hosp.
…later that night…
as we were playing cards a knock on the door at like 930, Angie and Calebs crazy dog starts barking up a storm like usual. anyways, it was dude, he came over to say thanks for helping him out earlier. Caleb and i go on the porch to chat with him and talk about life and what not, guess his wife dropped him off at the house and took off, well we ask to pray over him and begin to, and then he has another seizure, yup after getting out of the hosp and them giving him meds and stuff he has another one. Have to call 911 again, they come out, same crew as before, GREAT people there too. Seriously nice people, one gave me a hard time about my hair, but in great humor, so much respect for them. Think about it, such a blessing he was over our place when he had it or he would have been home alone when he had the other one, BAD NEWS!!! anyways, neighbors come over again, and again genuine concern. The medics said he couldn’t stay alone and asked what he thought he could do, immediately one neighbor said its fine if he stayed over at their place, they had a couch bed and would love to have him if he needed it. come on, really? That in cali? YEAH RIGHT!!!! people for one, would not even know the guy probably, second, wouldn’t go up to talk with him, third be more worried about him suing them if something happened.
what the heck? i mean, in no way am i even considering moving out here, which has been brought up a few times. but that was a reminder of things lost. maybe we can bring them back, genuine concern for those around us.
