…and a punch to the gut…

     Wow, so yeah…..so I said I was going to use this so I guess I will.  Then there is the question of the future.  Do I really want this stuff around for people to read later?  Well I guess that would assume that people read it in the first place lol! And the verdict is this, yes I will write.  I need it in a sense.

So here goes

When I finally came to that place where I realized I was holding back, that I was not fully giving my heart to the one I cared about.  The one I loved being around.  The one that calmed my fears without even trying.  The one that promised she would never go away, to be by my side to walk through it all knowing it would be tough but she felt called there.

I realized it.  I admitted it.  I expressed it.  I committed to change and began to walk in the freedom that brought.  I could breathe easy and it was good …. then the call …. she says, “lets work on the friendship, that will help, I’m not going anywhere, it’s God calling me to a season of just me and Him.”  I say, I cannot argue with that but I am not going anywhere. I sit confused but committed to the place the Lord has brought me.  So excited that for the first time I can remember I am not reacting out of anger or some other emotion, but walking in the Lord, in His peace, and it was good.

Then there was this:

There there was the revelation:
When I keep my eyes on Him I can walk on water!

Oh to walk in the trust….so nice.  I chatted with my mentor, hes RAD, everyone should have one. I expressed my heart to her and explained the calling I had to continue to not give up.  It was returned with the expression of friendship and a repeat of the call for her to be just focused on God for this season.  So I trust and chill….and it was good.

Oh what two days can change I guess…well yeah, that was like last time….I get a message, didn’t even know you were broke up.  HUH?  Well, she is listed on Facebook as in a relationship with someone not you.  huh, really??  click..click..click…(the me clicking on websites and logging in) and BAM there it is.  Well guess that season ended quick and led to a relationship with a friend of mine I introduced her too.  Hence the punch to gut feeling.  But the crazy thing…I knew it was coming.  I knew it when he started hanging out with the two of us.  How did I know that?  I know betrayal was not the goal or intention, but the flesh feels that, it sees red and tries to take over but it will not win, the Lord is in this and He is working.  How was there peace before it even happened? There are prayers going out.  I am praying for peace and for prosperity.  For direction.  For changed hearts.  For life….and it was good.

To live through a lesson you thought was behind can be a humbeling place.  To see things play out errily similar to things past can knock a person back.  But I was not.  It was nothing I did, it was the Lord showing me HE has grown me and taken me past things and is revealing in me more things that need to be worked on to make me more like Him….and it was good.

-iVk-